We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
