I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
