dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
