thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
My penis needs a shock collar
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
