I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
