My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
