Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
