Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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