respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
