If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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