wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
