Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
