then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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