he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
