You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
