They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
