We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
