i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
