adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
