My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
