Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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