Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
