You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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