my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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