Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
