I wish my penis had an off switch
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
