Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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