I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
