Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
