Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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