hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
This baby is an asshole
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
