I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
