I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
