Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She bit a glass in half.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
