I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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