if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Randomize
