I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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