fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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