Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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