yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
