is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
