I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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