I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
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