Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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