I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The struggles of a small town man whore
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
