I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
