i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
tell me about the eggs
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
