Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
babies were throwing up all over the place
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
