Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
