...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
