if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
